Moving to a new place for a job, a transfer or university is exciting, and it can also feel very quiet. Making friends in a new town takes longer than most people expect, especially when your family, old classmates and your usual estate are far away. The good news is that friendship is a skill you can practise, not luck. This guide covers routines, clubs, volunteering, faith communities, sports, co-working spaces and events, with plenty of room to be patient with yourself.
Whether you have just arrived in Nakuru, Eldoret, Kisumu, Nyeri, Mombasa or a small market town, the same basic ideas apply. You do not need to become a different person. You only need to put yourself in the same places often enough for people to get to know you.
Why the first months feel so quiet
At home, friendships built up slowly over years without you noticing. A classmate lived two plots away. A cousin dropped by on Sunday. In a new town none of that exists yet, and every plan has to be started by you. That is tiring, and it is completely normal.
It helps to understand what is really going on. You are not unlikeable and the town is not unfriendly. Most people already have full routines and are not looking out for newcomers, so the first step usually has to come from you. Once you accept that, the job becomes simple: show up in the same places until faces become names, and names become friends.
Start with a routine, not a big plan
Many newcomers wait for the perfect friend group to appear. A better approach is to build a small routine that puts you near the same people again and again. Friendship grows from repeated, easy contact.
- Buy your morning chai or mandazi from the same kiosk and learn the vendor's name.
- Walk or jog the same route at the same time and greet the regulars.
- Do your Saturday shopping at the same market and chat with the same stallholders.
- Eat lunch at the same place near work instead of at your desk.
- Use the same stage when you take a matatu, and say good morning to the people you see daily.
None of this feels like making friends, which is exactly why it works. After a few weeks you will have a handful of friendly faces, and the town will already feel less strange.
Making friends in a new town: join something that meets weekly
A group that meets on a fixed day does the hard work for you. You do not have to invent a reason to see the same people, because the meeting is the reason. Look for something that matches something you already enjoy.
- Sports: Sunday football, volleyball, netball, basketball, a running club or a cycling group.
- Outdoors: hiking groups, nature walks, tree planting days.
- Creative: choir, drama, dance classes, photography walks, a book club.
- Learning: language classes, a coding group, a debate club, a toastmasters style speaking group.
Ask colleagues, shopkeepers and neighbours what is on in town. Notice boards, WhatsApp groups and social media pages for your town are also useful. Commit to going four times before you decide whether it suits you. The first visit is nearly always awkward, and the fourth is where the friendliness begins.
Church, mosque and community groups
For many Kenyans, faith communities are one of the quickest ways to feel at home. A fellowship, youth group, choir, women's or men's group, or a mosque study circle gives you a ready-made community that meets regularly and often looks after newcomers. If you are already part of a faith, find a congregation near where you live and introduce yourself to a leader or a friendly face after the service.
If you are not religious, you can still find community through clan or county associations, alumni groups, or professional and cultural societies. Many towns have groups for people from the same home area who now live elsewhere, and they can be a warm place to land. Only join what feels right for you, and remember that you are free to try a group and move on.
Give your time through volunteering
Volunteering is one of the best ways to meet people, because you are all focused on one task, so conversation comes easily. Look for a clean-up day, a school or children's home visit, a mentorship programme for students, an animal welfare group or a community project run by a local organisation. Ask what help they need and offer a regular slot, even if it is only one Saturday a month.
People who give their time tend to be kind and open, and they remember who turns up. Working side by side also lets you get to know someone without the pressure of sitting across from them and making conversation.
Work, study spaces and co-working
If you have moved for a job, your colleagues are the obvious first circle. Say yes when someone invites you for lunch, tea or a Friday meal, even if you are tired. Offer to join a plan instead of waiting for an invitation. Staying friendly with people at work does not mean sharing everything, but small invitations add up.
If you work remotely or run a small business, a co-working space or a cafe with good internet can solve two problems at once. You will see the same people most days, and a casual chat over a plug socket often turns into a coffee. Students can do the same by joining a study group, a faculty club or a hostel activity instead of staying in their room.
Say yes to events and make the first move
Towns have more going on than newcomers realise: church bazaars, charity runs, agricultural shows, music nights, football viewings, cultural festivals, weekend markets. Go to one a week if you can. Going alone is fine, and many people are friendlier to someone on their own than to a loud group.
When you meet someone you like, make the next step easy and low pressure. Here are a few lines that work:
- "I am heading for a coffee after this. Want to come?"
- "A few of us are going to watch the match on Saturday. Join us if you are free."
- "Can I get your number? I would like to tell you about that hiking group."
Most people say yes, and the ones who say no usually have a real reason. Do not take it personally. Keep inviting different people and you will soon find the ones who invite you back.
Turn acquaintances into friends
Meeting someone is the start, not the finish. A friendship deepens when you do small things consistently. Follow up the day after a nice conversation. Remember a detail, such as a job interview or an exam, and ask how it went. Suggest something simple, like a walk, a meal at a local joint or nyama choma on a payday weekend.
Share a little about yourself too, and not only the polished version. Letting someone see that you miss home, or that you are finding the town hard, often invites them to open up as well. Be reliable, be on time and keep your word. These ordinary habits are what people remember.
Be patient, and look after yourself
It is easy to feel discouraged when weeks pass and your phone stays quiet. Remember that real friendship has stages. First you are a familiar face, then someone people greet, then someone they invite, and finally someone they call when things go wrong. Each stage takes time.
Keep in touch with people back home through calls and voice notes, because old friends are a comfort while you build new ones. Look after the basics too: eat properly, sleep, move around, and get out of your room even on days you do not feel like it. If the quiet starts to feel heavy and does not lift, speak to someone you trust or a counsellor. You can read more in our guide to feeling lonely in the city.
Use your phone to meet people nearby
Technology can speed things up. Local social groups and platforms like ConnectHub let you find people in your area who also want company, whether that is friendship, a chat or something more. You can browse people near you, read their profiles and start a conversation at your own pace. If you are not sure what to say, our guide to starting a conversation online has simple ideas.
When you decide to meet someone in person, choose a busy public place, tell a friend where you are going, and read the safety tips first. For the wider picture on building a social life from nothing, see how to make friends as an adult. Your new town can become home faster than you think. Start with one routine, one group and one invitation this week.
